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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sinking Lower And Lower


I have noticed a pattern forming and it seems as if my fits of depression are returning, this is a surprise as I am currently on my meds, so perhaps I need the dose looked at.
Symptoms for me are highs and lows, when I say high I actually mean I am feeling well and capable, where the lows have me keeping away from friends. Staying away from the Internet ( I call this my Ostrich time, head in the sand )not answering the phone and missing time off from work, so I,m currently at home, and forcing myself to post.
Things are still not good between The Foxx and I, he is once again broke and turning to me to keep him going, but I,m so over constantly being in financial charge.
Yesterday he wanted me to help him in the garden, but I wanted to sit and play games on my PC, and that ended in a row. Yes he is the one with the physical illnesses and I do sympathise and worry about him. But at the moment I am just mentally hanging on by a thread.
I have completely run out of paid sick leave, and so I am not being paid for my time at home, and like it or not I will have to return to work tomorrow.
I am stalking the blogs today, and will make no comments, because my head is not in the right place for making, enthusiastic, helpful, chatty responses.
I,ll be back with meds firmly in place, till then, happy blogging.

21 comments:

  1. I can relate big time. If you would like to read here is the post in which I tell of what I live with. If you don't want to read it no biggie. Depression is an illness as valid as any physical illness.

    http://mylittlespace-johanna.blogspot.com/2010/10/what-i-live-with.html

    Hugs

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  2. Maureen, You should not feel that your issues are any less important than your Foxx. What did you do to get yourself out of depression? If it worked last time see if it might help again. We understand why your not up for comments don't worry. When ever your ready to come back we'll be happy to see you. Keep your spirits up!

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  3. Depression is a real illnes..it no less important or damaging than illnesses that people can see.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I have been down that road

    judy

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  4. Maureen, I would suggest that you call your doctor and get some blood work done. Perhaps your dosage does need to be changed.

    I had blood tests last week to see if my meds needed adjusted and they didn't. I was feeling alright, but my doctor likes to check every 90 days just in case.

    If it is something as simple as a change in dosage, then there is no reason for you to suffer.

    Also, as to your marriage, it is always hard when both partners are going through "low" points at the same time. Even though you aren't getting paid for your time off, it may be necessary in order for you to have a break and rest.

    Again, get your blood checked to see if your meds need adjusting so you can cope. I know you live with a lot of stress re finances especially and sometimes it all seems to catch up with us.

    I have a pad of paper next to my laptop that has a list of blogger friends that need prayer and you are on that list. I'll be praying for you.

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  5. hey Maureen, depression's a terrible thing, makes us want to curl up and hide away from the world. I'm glad you posted, hope tomorrow is a better day for you, sending you good thoughts

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  6. Thanks for the support girls, I went and had my blood work done this afternoon, so hopefully this will be sorted out soon.

    I tried to give my boss a bit of an idea of why i am off justnow, but because he cant see it ( like my legs not hanging off ) then I,m OK and no excuses will do.

    The Foxx has decided to speak to me today, but I,m so over it just now that I,m far from chatty, so all he got were yes and no,s and he finally gave up.

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  7. Depression can be crippling. I hope that you start to feel better soon!

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  8. so sorry you are going through a tough time right now - my thoughts are with you

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  9. I am thinking of you and hope you find what you need to start feeling better. I completely understand the alienation that comes with depression and you should not feel guilty. You will be in my thoughts.

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  10. A lot of people are here to support you Maureen. It's good to see that you are doing what needs to be done, ie. seeing your doctor. Is there any way through a doctor's note you get some time off work through a disability leave? And is there someone (through your doctor or through your work)that you can talk to about your marriage?
    I will FB you later - staff starting to arrive in my classroom so will sign off now and talk to you later.

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  11. Thinking of you....hope you get some answers from the blood tests.

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  12. (((Maureen))) I hope today is a better day for you!!

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  13. You're in my thoughts :) Hope today is going well for you!

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  14. Someone once said to me, whenever I was down in a low I should repeat to myself: "This too will pass".

    It doesn't always work, but sometimes I find comfort in the fact that the tide will eventually turn, and for the better.

    Depression and being burnt out are just as real as any other illness. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Sending positive and happy thoughts your way!

    Alltid Blakk (= Always Broke)

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  15. Ah Maureen, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It cannot be easy. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, so that you will have the strength to take good care of yourself. Here's to better days....

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  16. What a fabulous supportive bunch you all are, my tests came back and confirmed the Doctors suspicion that all I needed were my meds tweaked a little bit and things will soon return to normal ( whatever normal is )

    I returned to work today and got through my shift with no special dramas, although I think if I had been sacked today I would have shrugged it off, as my attitude today is I dont give a damn.

    In the midst of all the doom and gloom I am having a giggle at the idea, that Alltid Blakk is not your name, sorry but a definite language barrier here LOL :)

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  17. Doom and gloom is really overrated. Being called Always made me smile, I just hoped to return the favour :)

    Glad to hear it's a qucik (and cheap?) fix. Get well soon

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  18. Maureen:

    At this very moment I am listening to your Prime Minister Julia Gillard speak to our House of Representatives about how strong Americans are and how strong Aussies are - you are one of those strong people. I am happy that you got your results and will be getting those meds adjusted.

    On a side note, isn't it sad that we can have sick days for physical pain and yet when we are fighting depression we don't get the same acknowledgment that we are ill and need a sick day?

    Good to hear you are on the mend.

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  19. {{{hugs}}} you have always been sooo supportive to me, Maureen, I wish there was something I could do for you... I am thinking about you and hope things get better soon... Take care!

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  20. Hi Maureen checking in to see how you are and send you a ((hug)) xx

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  21. I hope you feel better soon!

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